How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
