Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
