i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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