yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
