he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
