Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
