Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
