My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
