If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
