i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
