im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
