when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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