I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
