I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
