so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
