Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
