So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize