As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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