Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
