How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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