oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
