I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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