Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize