I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
