dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
