Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
