Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize