i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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