his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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