Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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