he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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