Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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