At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
