Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
