So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
