Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
