I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
All the doctor said was why
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
