WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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