Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
