You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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