So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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