:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
