You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I look excited, but its just a facade.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
