Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i dont even know how to be here
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
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