Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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