Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I supernannyed him into submission
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
