Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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