The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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