I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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