bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
