Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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