I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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