Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize