Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
