it's great music for shaving your balls
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
