East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
