Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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