Don't you send me to vm
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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