An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
