Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Duck Duck Cougar?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
