You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
