i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
