You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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