Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
