I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
