I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
