you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
foreskin is a definite game changer
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
