I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
