I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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