Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
