Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
