Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
