So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
