So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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