Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
